


Silicon Valley Birthday Super Fic

by d2fmeasurement



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-09 19:24:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 8,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6919957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d2fmeasurement/pseuds/d2fmeasurement
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fic contains short birthday-themed stories for every Silicon Valley ship. Just flip through the chapters to find the ships you're interested in.</p><p>WIP</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Monica/Jared

Jared had taken Monica out to her favorite restaurant for her birthday. He could tell she was distracted because she kept checking her phone all night, but he decided not to say anything. 

 

“Do you know which dessert you’d like?” Jared asked.

 

“Huh?” Monica asked. She blinked, realizing she hadn’t actually been looking at the dessert menu. “Not yet. Sorry.” She tried to make herself put her phone away, but ended up glancing at it one more time.

 

“If you have a lot of work stuff going on today, that’s okay,” Jared told her. “I know your job is important to you.”   
Monica shook her head. “No, no, that’s not it.” She sighed. “I just, um… No one in my family has called or emailed or anything.” She felt incredibly guilty complaining. She knew that Jared never expected any calls on his birthday and felt silly moping about the fact that her parents had missed a year. “I know I’m kind of spoiled because I’m used to waking up to a birthday voicemail from my mom every year. I guess I’m old enough I shouldn’t care that much…”

 

Jared frowned at her and shook his head. “No. Of course you care. That’s awful.” He put his hand on her leg under the table.

 

She smiled a little, already feeling better just hearing him say that she wasn’t silly for being upset. 

 

“Do you want to call them? I don’t mind if you want to step outside,” he said.

 

“I kind of want to wait and see if they remember on their own,” she told him.

 

He nodded. “Understandable.” He looked down at the dessert menu and asked, “How about chocolate lava cake?” 

 

She smiled at him and said, “Yeah, that sounds perfect.”


	2. Flutterbeam Founders

Sky woke up and realized there was something crawling on top of him under the sheets. In his half-awake mode, he screamed and kicked.

 

“Sorry!” Al said, crawling out from under the sheets. “It’s just me.” 

 

“Dude. What are you doing?” Sky asked.

 

“I was trying to wake you up with a blow job,” Al told him. “I thought it’d be hot.” 

 

Sky grinned. “Oh shit. That would’ve been hot. Sorry. I was just, like, half-asleep. But, you can blow me now for sure.” 

 

Al grinned and kissed down his neck. “Cool. Happy birthday, babe.”


	3. Jared/Gilfoyle

Even though no one knew it was Jared’s birthday, he couldn’t help but be irrationally sad. It would’ve been nice to have at least heard a quick “happy birthday” from someone. 

 

When he returned to his work space after grabbing a quick lunch, Gilfoyle was setting down a cupcake. “Shit!” Gilfoyle said.

 

Jared furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you doing?” 

 

Gilfoyle sighed. “You caught me. I got you a cupcake. I was going to leave it here so you wouldn’t know who it was from. Why are you back from lunch already? Who takes a ten minute lunch break?” 

 

“I don’t understand. Why did you get me a cupcake?” Jared asked. 

 

“Earlier I hacked your email and I saw the birthday message from Home Depot Rewards Club.” 

 

“You hacked my email? Why would you do that?” Jared asked.

 

Gilfoyle clenched his jaw as he tried to come up with a lie. When he couldn’t think of one, he sighed and said, “I noticed you seemed sad.”

 

Jared stared at him. “You were worried about me?” 

 

“If you cry or hug me, I will end your life,” Gilfoyle said, he turned and walked away quickly.


	4. Gavin/Dinesh

Dinesh grinned at the cake sitting on Gavin’s living room table. He’d wanted a surprise, so he hadn’t given Gavin’s chef any hints about what he wanted it to look like.

 

“It’s perfect,” he said.

 

Gavin smiled and said, “Good.” He cut a piece and set it on a plate for Dinesh.

 

Dinesh took a bite and paused before saying, “Yes. It’s perfect.” 

 

Gavin smiled and kissed his neck. “I’m so glad you’re happy. I also have someone from the jewelry store who’s going to stop by later so you can pick some things out. Does that sound good?” 

 

Dinesh realized that Gavin was actually nervous. He shrugged a little.

 

“We could also go to the BMW dealership afterwards,” Gavin said.

 

Dinesh smiled and said, “That sounds great.” He kissed Gavin hard. Gavin kissed back aggressively. 

 

Dinesh tilted his head at Gavin curiously and asked, “Hey, you know I like you, right?” 

 

“Of course,” Gavin said, although he felt more of a rush hearing those words than he’d ever admit.

 

“Good. I mean, I love nice gifts a lot. A lot. Please don’t stop giving them to me,” he said. “But, I also just like hanging out with you and getting fucked by you…”

 

Gavin grinned and pulled Dinesh into his lap so he could kiss him hard.


	5. Erlich/Jared/Richard

Richard woke up and discovered his entire room was full of balloons. He sat up, feeling momentarily completely surprised and disoriented before he remembered it was his birthday. It wasn’t too surprising that boyfriends as aggressively doting as Jared and Erlich would do something like that.

 

“He’s awake!” Jared said from the other room after Richard sat up. 

 

Erlich and Jared both came in with trays of food. “What do you think?” Erlich asked.

 

“It’s great. Thank y--” He let out a little shriek when Erlich accidentally stepped on a balloon and popped it. 

 

“Sorry. Sorry,” Erlich said. “Go on. You were saying how much we nailed it with these decorations.” 

 

“It’s really nice guys. Thank you,” Richard told them. 

 

They each set down their trays of breakfast on Richard’s bed. 

 

“We tried to make the pancakes shaped like your Pied Piper logo,” Jared told him.

 

“It did not go well,” Erlich said.

 

Richard looked down at the misshapen pancakes and said, “Oh. Yeah. Well, I’m sure they’ll taste great.”

 

Erlich and Jared sat down on either side of him and snuggled up to him as he ate.


	6. Jared/Dinesh

“I have one last present for you,” Jared told him as he waved for the check for their dinner.

 

“You don’t have to get me anything else. That fountain pen was perfect. I love it. And dinner was great,” Dinesh told him.

 

“This last thing you’ll love even more,” Jared told him. Dinesh looked at him curiously. “I’m breaking up with you,” Jared told him. 

 

Dinesh stared at him with confusion. 

 

“I know you’ve been unhappy for a long time,” Jared told him. 

 

Dinesh hesitated and then said, “I can make it work. No relationship is perfect.”

 

“But, it could be better,” Jared said. “I know you think so.” 

 

Dinesh shook his head. “I…” He sighed. “I’ve fantasized about meeting someone else,” he said, already feeling guilty.

 

Jared nodded. “I know.” 

 

“But, that’s just me being ridiculous. I’m not going to meet some sexy guy who drives me wild. That’s just bullshit from romance novels. I’m lucky to have someone nice like you,” Dinesh said. 

 

The waitress walked up and asked, “Are you guys done?” 

 

Jared nodded. “We’re done.”


	7. Gilfoyle/Eric

Gilfoyle had just gotten on his knees in front of Eric and was working on unzipping his pants. 

 

Eric’s phone started ringing. He looked at it and then pushed Gilfoyle’s head away. 

 

“Are you fucking serious?” Gilfoyle asked.

 

“Shh. It’s my mom calling for my birthday,” Eric told him. 

 

Gilfoyle considered blowing Eric anyway since that would be hilarious, but instead he sat down next to him and impatiently waited for this phone call to be over. He mostly tuned it out, but he sat up with surprise when he heard his name.

 

“Yeah, it’s his last name,” he said. “Yeah, I agree, Eric Gilfoyle would be terrible. His first name’s Bertram. Bertram Sutton has a nice ring to it, right?” He laughed and then said, “We’ll see. It’s going really well, though. Okay. I love you too. Bye.” When he hung up, he saw that Gilfoyle was staring at him. “What?” he asked. 

 

“Bertram Sutton?” Gilfoyle repeated. “Assuming Sutton is your last name-- which I have no idea if it is because I don’t think about you that much-- that is not a name you should be uttering, especially to your mom.” 

 

“She asked if I’m seeing anyone and I said I was,” he said with a shrug. “Then we joked around a little bit about what our names might be if we got married. If. What’s the big deal?” 

 

“The fact that I let you put your dick in me doesn’t mean I want you having conversations about our future with your mother,” Gilfoyle told him. 

 

“We’ve been fucking for four months,” Eric told him. “Wouldn’t you be more offended if she asked if I was seeing anyone and I said no?” 

 

“No,” Gilfoyle said flatly. When he saw how hurt Eric looked, he said, “You don’t like me either, remember?” 

 

“What? Because you’re kind of an annoying asshole on the surface? Who cares? We’re way past the surface,” Eric said. 

 

“Whatever. Just let me give you a birthday blowjob,” Gilfoyle said. 

 

“I will,” Eric said. “And then we’ll order dinner, talk like we always do, watch something on Netflix so I can see how excited you get when you’re telling me your thoughts on Battlestar Galactica…” 

 

Gilfoyle rolled his eyes. “Yeah. You got me. We do some stuff that’s not just sex. Who cares?” 

 

“I do,” Eric said.

 

“Pussy,” Gilfoyle murmured.


	8. Dinesh/Gilfoyle/Tara

Aphrodite grinned at the new phone her parents had given her for her birthday. “Thanks mom. Thanks dads,” she said. 

 

“One more thing,” Gilfoyle said. He took out a small jewelry box.

 

Aphrodite opened it and looked down it with curiosity. “It’s beautiful,” she said, looking at the ring inside. 

 

“It’s been in my family for generations,” Gilfoyle told her. “Now that you’re thirteen, I think you should have it.” 

 

She grinned as she slid it on. “Thank you,” she said. “Can I call Beth and show her my new ring?” 

 

“Sure. Go have fun talking to your friend,” Tara said. 

 

Aphrodite left and her parents started cleaning up the dishes from her birthday dinner. 

 

“How the hell did you convince your mom to send you that ring?” Tara asked her.

 

“Well, first she gave me the usual thrilling monologue about how I’m living in sin and how horrible it is that her only grandchild isn’t even a Gilfoyle, she’s a Chugtai,” Gilfoyle said. “But, instead of hanging up on her at that point like I usually do, I reminded her that since Aphrodite is her only grandkid, maybe it would be a good idea to help her feel more like she’s part of the family.” Gilfoyle frowned when he saw the way his spouses were looking at him. “What?” he asked.

 

“Babe, do you want to feel like your daughter is more a part of your family?” Tara asked him.

 

“What? Shit no. My family is terrible. I just wanted that ring.” 

 

“...why?” Dinesh asked.

 

“Because it’s an heirloom. It’s been in my family for--” Gilfoyle frowned and glared. “Look, I’d just like Aphrodite to have the option of feeling like a part of my family if she wants.” He crossed his arms and says, “It doesn’t mean I have any attachments to them.” 

 

“Okay. Sure,” Dinesh said.

 

Tara smiled and nuzzled against Gilfoyle. “It’s a very nice ring, babe. Thanks for getting it for her.”


	9. Dinesh/Eric

Dinesh and Eric sat on their couch, eating the fancy chocolate fondue Eric had gotten for Dinesh’s birthday. 

 

“So...” Eric said with a little smile.

 

“What?” Dinesh asked, tilting his head at him.

 

“If I’m your first boyfriend, that means you’ve never had birthday sex, right?” Eric asked.

 

“No…” Dinesh said. “What’s special about it?” 

 

Eric grinned and said, “That’s up to you. Your wish is my command.” 

 

“What if I ask for something that totally disgusts you and you never want to look at me again?” Dinesh asked.

 

Eric laughed. “No judgments. The worst I can do is say that I won’t do it.” He leaned forward and whispered, “But I probably wont’ say that.” 

 

Dinesh opened his mouth, but couldn’t bring himself to say it. “Can I write it down?” he asked.

 

Eric laughed. “Sure.” Dinesh scribbled it on a napkin and handed it to Eric. He read it and grinned. “I can definitely do that.” 

 

 

Eric yanked on the bungee cord tied to a chain that was functioning as a makeshift leash and collar. “Come on. Be a good boy,” he said. 

 

Dinesh already felt like he was in heaven as he crawled onto the bed. 

 

“Good boy,” Eric said, scratching behind his ears. “You’re such a good boy.” 

 

Dinesh grinned and shook his ass back and forth, imitating wagging a tail. He felt a little embarrassed by that action, until Eric kissed the back of his neck and said in his ear, “You’re unbelievably hot.”


	10. Carla/Monica

After Lisa finished the chocolate chip pancakes Monica had made her, she said, “Come on, moms! Tree! Tree! Tree!” 

 

They smiled affectionately and followed her out to the backyard. They’d planted a tree there when she was a baby and had a birthday tradition of taking a picture of her in front of it every year. 

 

“Ready?” Carla asked, holding up her phone to take the picture. 

 

“Ready!” Lisa said, leaning against the tree and striking a pose. Carla took a few pictures of her. 

 

Monica looked at the time and said, “Hey, can you go put on your new party dress?

 

Lisa nodded and ran into the house. 

 

“Can you believe she’s four?” Monica asked, resting her head on Carla’s shoulder. 

 

“I know. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long,” Carla said, petting Monica’s hair lightly. 

 

“You know, they say that five years is the ideal amount of time in between siblings…” 

 

Carla raised an eyebrow. “Who says that?” 

 

“Many sources,” Monica told her. When Carla kept looking at her skeptically, she said, “Sources that I found while specifically looking for people who say that five years is the ideal amount of time in between siblings.” 

 

Carla thought about it, but she really only needed a second to think before she said, “If you want another baby, you know that I could never say no to you.”


	11. Erlich/Richard

“What’s your favorite color?” Erlich said.

 

“Uh, since I’m not a small child, I don’t know,” Richard said. “Green, I guess?” 

 

“Favorite type of cake?” Erlich asked. 

 

“Um. Coconut,” Richard said.

 

“Essential tracks for a party mix?” 

 

Richard furrowed his eyebrows. “Erlich… you’re not… oh my god.”

 

“Fine. You caught me,” Erlich said. “What gave it away? I was trying to be subtle.” 

 

“Erlich… I’m flattered and even kind of excited, but I’m not ready to marry you,” Richard said. He furrowed his eyebrows and asked, “Why would you even plan a surprise wedding? I mean, what if I’d--”

 

“Richard. Richard. I’m not planning a surprise wedding. No human has ever done that. Ever,” Erlich said.

 

“Oh, good,” Richard said with relief. He frowned and added, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I just sort of panicked.” 

 

“I was planning a birthday party for you,” he said. “Although I’m not sure I should now that I know the truth about your reticence to marry me.” 

 

“Well, are you ready to marry me?” Richard asked.

 

“Absolutely not. That does’t mean it didn’t hurt to hear you say that the idea made you panic,” Erlich said. “When you prick me, I bleed, Richard.” 

 

“Sorry,” Richard said. “It’s not that I can’t imagine marrying you someday. I definitely can.” Richard blinked. He hadn’t actually fully realized it until he heard himself say it. “I can imagine marrying you someday,” he said again.

 

Erlich grinned. “Back at you, partner.” He kissed Richard lovingly.


	12. Dinesh/Richard

Dinesh got off the phone with his mom. 

 

“How’s she doing?” Richard asked.

 

“Good,” Dinesh said. He sighed and said, “On my birthday, she always insists on talking about how she always knew I’d be a great kid because I didn’t cause her any pain during birth. It’s kind of sweet, but also super-weird.”

 

“Yeah,” Richard said, wrinkling his nose. 

 

Dinesh sat down next to him on the couch. After a second, Richard snuggled up to him. 

 

“So, should I, like… give you a blow job?” Richard asked. He’d been wondering all month if Dinesh’s birthday would be the occasion that would finally pull them out of their dry spell. 

 

Dinesh thought about it and then said, “Let’s just snuggle and rewatch The X-Files.” 

 

Richard nodded and nuzzled against Dinesh. He wanted to ask if they were okay and what they were doing and if the love was completely gone from their relationship, but today was not the day.


	13. Gavin/Big Head

As usual, Big Head woke up much later than Gavin. He grabbed his present for Gavin and then started searching the house. He found Gavin his yoga studio. 

 

“Hey,” he said. “Happy birthday.”

 

Gavin smiled at him and said, “Thank you.” 

 

“I made you something,” Big Head told him. “I know there’s nothing in the world anyone could buy you that you can’t just buy for yourself, so I figured homemade was the way to go.” He handed Gavin the scrapbook he made him.

 

Gavin looked down at it and then dropped it and stepped away from it, like it was cursed.

 

“What’s wrong?” Big Head asked. He gasped and asked, “Was there a spider on it?” 

 

“Why did it say Happy 50th Birthday?” Gavin asked him angrily.

 

“Um… because it’s a 50th birthday gift?” Big Head asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

 

“I’m forty-five,” Gavin told him. 

 

“Uh, are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure you were forty-five when we first started dating and two months ago we had our fifth anniversary so…” 

 

“You must be remembering wrong,” Gavin told him. 

 

“Oh. Okay,” Big Head said. 

 

With that settled, Gavin picked up the scrapbook. He quickly flipped past the horrifying first page and then smiled at all the pictures of himself and Big Head. “This is beautiful,” he told him. He was amazed at how happy he looked in all the pictures. He spent a lot of time looking at photos of himself and they were always sternly serious. 

 

He looked down at Big Head and got a little choked up as he said, “Thank you for this.”


	14. Richard/Ron

“Ready?” Ron asked as he led Richard blindfolded into his house. 

 

“Uh, yeah,” Richard said. Ron took the blindfold off. Richard looked around. “This is your house,” he said.

 

“Yup,” Ron said.

 

“So… um… what’s the birthday surprise?” Richard asked.

 

“It’s a scavenger hunt. There’s twenty-eighth birthday gifts hidden around this place. You know, because it’s your twenty-eighth birthday.”

 

“Oh. Okay. So, I should just start rummaging through your house?” Richard asked.

 

“Yeah. It’s romantic,” Ron said, grinning. 

 

Richard started looking around the room. He had no idea where to start. 

 

After a while, Ron got bored and said, “Yo, Richie.” He pointed at one of the couch cushions.

 

Richard lifted the couch cushion up and saw a box. He opened it and took out the watch inside. “Oh. Wow. This is really nice,” he said as he put it on.

 

“Thank you,” Ron said, grinning.

 

“Just twenty-seven more to go…” Richard said, trying and failing not to sound annoyed since he knew this actually was very sweet, even if he found it just nerve wracking and cumbersome. 

 

Ron didn’t seem to notice the edge in Richard’s voice at all. He grinned and said, “Yeah. I’m pretty great at romance. Try the kitchen cabinet next, by the way.”


	15. Richard/Gilfoyle/Dinesh/Erlich/Jared

Having four boyfriends was always intense and, really, more excitement and attention than Richard was completely comfortable with. But, this was even more true on his birthday, when they were all doting on him.

 

Despite his discomfort with attention, Richard had to admit he’d had an amazing day. First, Jared had woken him up early to sit by the pool and watch the sunrise as they ate banana pancakes.

 

Then Erlich had taken him to a carnival, where he’d won him two giant stuffed pandas. They’d snuggled up together on the ferris wheel and eaten cotton candy and Erlich had shoved a carnie who’d had the nerve to call Richard “slim jim.”

 

Gilfoyle had given Richard a record player and a few of his favorite albums on vinyl. Then they’d curled up together on the floor, closing their eyes and listening to the music as their bodies pressed against each other. Richard teared up a little while listening to “Tonight I’ll Be Staying Here With You” by Bob Dylan. He thought for sure Gilfoyle would make fun of him, but instead he pulled him close.

 

Dinesh took him out to see Blade Runner in IMAX and they went out to dinner afterwards and excitedly talked about how the movie made them feel like they were kids again.

 

At the end of the day, everyone climbed in bed together. They got in their usual position that everyone was used to. Erlich big spooned Richard tightly, while Jared little spooned against him on the other side. Gilfoyle rested on the other side of Jared, with Dinesh clinging practically on top of him.

 

As they were all drifting off to sleep, Erlich said, “Richard. I hope you had an amazing day.”

 

“Thank you. I really did,” Richard told him.

 

“And I know it’s not a competition, but I want you to know we’re all comfortable enough with each other that it’s totally fine if you want to say which part of the day was your favorite. I mean, no one cares so you might as well just… let us know for the record.”

 

“Good night, Erlich,” Richard said.


	16. Gavin/Peter

“They didn’t card you,” Peter said as he and Gavin walked into the bar.

 

“Yeah,” Gavin said.

 

“What’s the point of going to a bar on your twenty-first birthday if they don’t card you? I could have brought you here yesterday.”

 

“Yeah, I wish we’d started doing this a long time ago,” Gavin said. 

 

Peter ordered two beers. Before he paid the bartender, he said, “Could you please card him?”

 

The bartender raised an eyebrow.

 

“It’s my twenty-first birthday,” Gavin said with embarrassment.

 

The bartender sighed. “Fine. Show me your ID.” 

 

Gavin showed it to him.

 

“Congratulations,” the bartender said before grabbing Peter’s money. 

 

Peter smiled at Gavin and said, “You’re a full-grown man now.” 

 

Gavin took a sip of his beer and then raised an eyebrow at Peter. “Did you not think of me as a full-grown man before?” 

 

“No,” Peter said.

 

Gavin furrowed his eyebrows. “Gee. Thanks, Pete.”

 

“I just mean that when we first met you were younger,” Peter said.

 

“You’re acting pretty weird for someone who’s just saying that time is linear,” Gavin told him. 

 

“I’m just saying that there are things we couldn’t do before, like going to a bar together and drinking,” Peter said.

 

“Like I said, we could’ve started doing this a long time ago. You’re the only one who cares,” Gavin said. He took a big chug of beer, then asked, “Wait, what things?” 

 

“Hm?” Peter asked.

 

“There are things we couldn’t do before?” 

 

“Yes, like go to bars,” Peter said.

 

“And?” 

 

“And concerts that are 21 and up,” Peter said.

 

Gavin rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that kind of falls under the category of going to a bar. What else? You said things, Pete. And I know you always choose your word precisely.” 

 

“When you were nineteen it would’ve been inappropriate for me to…” Peter sat there, trying to find the right way to phrase it and letting out a long, low groan. 

 

Gavin laughed out loud. “Oh my God. Are you a homo?” 

 

Peter frowned. 

 

“I mean, I never saw you with a woman, but I thought that was just because you’re, you know, a little weird.” 

 

“This evening is less than optimal,” Peter said unhappily.

 

Gavin grinned and leaned forward. “And what would be optimal? We have a drink together. You tell me how I’m a man now. And then, what, I throw myself at you and declare I’ve had a crush on you since the moment we met?” 

 

Peter’s mouth tightened and he looked away. But, then he looked at Gavin curiously, seeing past his mocking tone. “Did you?” he asked.

 

“Did I what?” Gavin asked.

 

“Have a crush on me since the moment we left?” Peter asked.

 

“Yeah, I’m into weird, painfully awkward men,” Gavin said sarcastically. 

 

“It’s not such a strange idea,” Peter said defensively. “You did start always coming around my garage.” 

 

“Well, yeah, I admire your mind,” Gavin said. “I find it incredibly compelling to listen to you talk. Your intelligent and unique and different from anyone I’ve ever met.”

 

“Some of those compliments are redundant,” Peter told him. “But, thank you.” 

 

“Even if I did have feelings of admiration for you, I’d never act on them in a sexual way.”

 

“Why is that?” Peter asked. 

 

“Because I don’t want to be gay, Pete. Jesus fucking Christ,” Gavin said. 

 

“Is your concern how the world would treat you?” 

 

“Yeah, I guess,” Gavin said.

 

“But, it could be a secret between the two of us,” Peter pointed out.

 

Gavin thought about this. “I have one question,” Gavin said.

 

“Go ahead,” Peter said.

 

Gavin looked at him sadly and asked, “Did you really like having m around helping you with your hardware or was it all just because you thought I was pretty?”

 

“You’re very smart,” Peter assured him. “I love having you around.” 

 

Gavin nodded and said, “After this beer, let’s go back to your house.”


	17. Gavin/Ron

Ron walked over to Gavin, who was talking to a group of associates at his party. 

 

“Hi, Mr. Belson. I just wanted to say happy birthday,” he told him. 

 

“Thank you. Sorry, what was your name again?” Gavin asked.

 

“Ron,” he said.

 

“Right. Nice to see you again, Ronnie,” Gavin said. He returned to the polite chit chat, but kept looking at Ron with his peripheral vision. When he saw Ron go into the bathroom, he said, “Excuse me a minute.” 

 

 

As soon as he entered the bathroom where Ron was waiting for him, he locked the door and then ran his hands over Ron.

 

“You know how hard it is to pretend I’m not head-over-heels in love with you when we’re around other people?” 

 

Gavin put his hands on Ron’s ass and bit his lower lip. “Poor baby,” he said. He kissed him and then said, “I gotta get back out there before anyone notices how long we’ve been in here. I’ll see you tonight at my house.”

 

Ron pouted and said, “Come on. No one’s gonna notice.” He kissed Gavin hard.

 

Gavin squeezed his ass and said, “I guess… maybe I could be persuaded to stay here with you a little longer.” 

 

Ron grinned and said, “I can be very persuasive.”


	18. Erlich/Jared

“Stop clearing dishes. It’s your birthday,” Erlich said.

 

“I don’t mind,” Jared said, as he started lifting a dish.

 

“If you try to clear the table on your own birthday, I’ll break your wrists,” Erlich told him.

 

“Understood,” Jared said, sitting down. “That’s very sweet of you.” 

 

“Speaking of sweet,” Erlich told him. He opened the freeze and took out a cake box.

 

Jared smiled admiringly and said, “That was a great segue.” Erlich nodded proudly in agreement. 

 

Jared opened the cake box. “Oh, wow, this is… a cake that looks like your penis.” 

 

“Do you like it?” Erlich asked him. 

 

“It’s really detailed,” Jared told him. “Did you show the person at the cake shop a photograph to have this made?” 

 

“Of course I did. I wouldn’t be able to get this quality of erotic cake by just describing my dick. That’s absurd.” 

 

“Well, it’s beautiful,” Jared told him. “This was really nice, Erlich.”

 

Erlich smiled and kissed Jared’s neck affectionately.


	19. Dinesh/Gilfoyle

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Gilfoyle asked, staring at the rugby shirt in his hands. 

 

Dinesh frowned. “No. I got you a nice gift.” 

 

“This is a nice gift?” Gilfoyle repeated.

 

“That’s a ninety dollar shirt,” Dinesh said. 

 

“Well, I hope you kept the receipt,” Gilfoyle said.

 

“This is unbelievable,” Dinesh said. “You could at least politely say ‘thank you’ and hide your distaste like a normal person.” 

 

“No, I couldn’t,” Gilfoyle said. He walked out. Dinesh stared after him. He’d thought Gilfoyle would pace around outside for a while and then come back, but he didn’t.

 

When Dinesh texted him, none of the texts went through and his calls went straight to voicemail. He was horrified. He couldn’t believe Gilfoyle actually turned his phone off. 

 

 

Gilfoyle came back to the house at 2 a.m. and saw Dinesh sitting on the couch.

 

“I thought you’d be asleep by now,” Gilfoyle told him.

 

“How the fuck could I sleep? I’ve been worried.”

 

“Why?” Gilfoyle asked. 

 

“Because you stormed out and turned off your fucking phone so I couldn’t talk to my boyfriend all day and I just had to think about how you’re out there, mad at me!” 

 

“I didn’t think you’d care,” Gilfoyle told him.

 

Dinesh stared at him. “I don’t… Fuck, Gilfoyle, I don’t even know what the fuck to do with you.”

 

“Break up with me,” Gilfoyle said, staring intensely into Dinesh’s eyes.

 

Dinesh stared back at him. “I don’t want to do that,” he said softly.

 

“Why? Because you’ll miss having sex with me?” Gilfoyle asked.

 

“You know what? I am going to break up with you, asshole,” Dinesh said. “I don’t deserve this! All I did was get you a shirt that you don’t like and you decided to torture me all day. Fuck that. Why are you like this?” His eyes widened in horror. “Are you crying?” he asked. “Fuck. Don’t… what? Shit.”

 

“I just want you to like me,” Gilfoyle said softly.

 

“I do. What’s going on?” 

 

“I don’t know. When you bought me something that’s obviously not my style it just reminded me that you want to change me. You wish I was different.” 

 

“Well, sure, I mean… everyone buys their boyfriends nice clothes clothes that their boyfriends hate. It’s part of, you know? As we get more serious, I’m probably also going to start nagging you to eat right and pick your clothes up off your bedroom floor too. That kind of shit doesn’t mean that I don’t like you.” 

 

Gilfoyle softly said, “But when you say stuff like how I can’t just be polite like a normal person…”

 

Dinesh frowned. “Now that you say it back to me, I can see how that would be hurtful. And I know I say that kind of stuff a lot, so I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay. I mean, I know I’m being a massive hypocrite for being hurt by it. I’m mean to you all the time. It’s like my whole thing.” 

 

Dinesh nodded a little. “Maybe for this to work we shouldn’t insult each other constantly.”

 

“Seems like a lot of effort,” Gilfoyle said.

 

Dinesh laughed a little affectionately.

 

“But yeah.” Gilfoyle pulled him close. “I love you,” he told him.

 

Dinesh looked up at him with surprise. “I love you too, Gilfoyle,” he said. 

 

“Sorry you had to see me like that. I guess my birthday still makes me kind of emotional,” Gilfoyle said.

 

“Are you kidding? I’m so relieved,” Dinesh said. “I didn’t want to go the rest of our lives the emotional, high-maintenance one while you’re always calm and collected.”

 

Gilfoyle smirked and asked, “Did you just imply that you think we’ll spend the rest of our lives together?” 

 

“What? No. Shut up,” Dinesh said.

 

Gilfoyle grinned and kissed him hard.


	20. Richard/Russ

“Wakey wakey,” Russ said.

 

Richard sleepily sat up. “Uh, hey,” he said, rubbing his eyes.

 

“Time to start your birthday festivities.”

 

“I can’t sleep in?” Richard asked.

 

“No. I’m too excited. I have a full day planned just for you, sweetheart,” Russ said.

 

“Oh. That’s nice,” Richard said. He sat up.

 

“Come on. The day starts with shower sex,” Russ told him.

 

Richard giggled a little as he followed Russ into the bathroom.

 

 

 

 

“Happy birthday to you,” Russ said after Richard finished. Richard grinned and nuzzled against Russ contentedly.

 

“That was nice,” he said.

 

Russ pulled him close and ran his hands over Richard’s body. “I can’t believe we’ve been together long enough for me to even know when your birthday is, let alone care,” he said.

 

“It’s pretty weird,” Richard murmured. He hoped this wouldn’t be a long conversation. He tried not to overthink his relationship with Russ.

 

“Because usually I’m only with really beautiful chicks. With amazing tits.” He pinched Richard’s nipple for emphasis. He kissed Richard’s neck and said, “But, there’s something really hot about your whole vibe.”

 

“You’re really sexy too,” Richard told him. “It’s been really fun being with you.”

 

“I love you,” Russ told him.

 

Richard turned around and stared at him, horrified. “Oh. Um… wow, Russ…”

 

Russ spanked him hard and then stepped out of the shower. “Forget that. Just kidding. Come on, we’re taking my private jet to Hawaii.”


	21. Dinesh/Carla

“You look like a waiter,” Dinesh said, looking at Carla’s slacks and button up shirt. 

 

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you make me go to a restaurant where people have to dress fancy,” Carla told him.

 

“You know, you would look beautiful in a dress,” Dinesh told her.

 

“Eat shit,” Carla said. She turned to the hostess and told her, “We have a reservation.” 

 

 

“You’ve barely eaten. Are you sick?” Dinesh asked Carla.

 

“No. Just… fancy food is weird,” Carla said. 

 

“Sorry,” Dinesh said. 

 

“Don’t be. It’s your birthday. Sorry that I only like taco trucks,” she said. 

 

Dinesh frowned. “Do we have like a The Odd Couple thing going or is this not working?” he asked.

 

“Wait, so The Odd Couple is the good option?” Carla asked him.

 

“Well, yeah, they cared about each other and ended up having a positive relationship…” he murmured.

 

“We care about each other too,” Carla said. “And I like having sex with you. You’ll do basically anything. That’s rad.” 

 

“Thank you. I also like having sex with you,” he said. He added, “For less degrading reasons.” 

 

“I don’t think we’re soulmates, but this is fun,” Carla said. “Right? I mean, do you have a problem?” 

 

“No,” Dinesh said, shaking his head. “Sorry. I just worry a lot because it’s still weird to me that you’d be interested in me.” 

 

She put her hand on his leg under the table. “It’s not that weird, Dinesh,” she assured him.


	22. Laurie/Russ

Laurie’s birthday had been less than ideal. Raviga had hosted a party for her, but it had just made her feel lonely.

 

She stared at one particular number in her contacts for a long time before she finally hit call. 

 

“Laurie Bream,” Russ said happily when he picked up. “Didn’t expect to hear from you… at 3 a.m.” There was a smugness in his voice that made Laurie almost hang up. But, she reminded herself of the feeling of being with Russ physically. 

 

“I’ve had a bottle and a half of champagne today,” she said. 

 

Russ immediately got the message and said, “I’m on my way. Same address, right?” 

 

“Same address,” she told him.

 

She leaned back and waited. She already felt a little better knowing that at 51 she still had at least one guy 10 years younger than her who was at her beck and call. Even if he was Russ Hanneman.


	23. Jared/Big Head

Jared flipped through the scrapbook Big Head had made him. “This is so cute and thoughtful,” he said, grinning.

 

“Thanks,” Big Head said. “My dad always says that on your birthday you should look back on all the cool shit you did over the past year. I mean, he didn’t say ‘cool shit’, but you get it.” 

 

Jared nodded and smiled. “And this has been a very good year because I started dating you,” he said. He gave Big Head a kiss. 

 

Big Head smiled and said, “Keep flipping through.” 

 

Jared got to the last page. It said at the top “Big Head tells me he loves me for the first time.” 

 

After he read it, Big Head took out his phone and took a picture of the two of them. “That’s a picture of you finding out that I love you. Because I’m telling you that now. Do you get it?” 

 

Jared stared at him. 

 

“I mean, I have to, like, email the phone to myself and then find a printer to print it out. I didn’t really think it through. I just thought it would be cute.” 

 

“I love you too,” Jared told him, getting a little teary-eyed. He kissed Big Head hard.


	24. Gavin/Gilfoyle

Gilfoyle looked over the guitar in his hands. “What is this?” he asked.

 

Gavin grinned at him and said, “It’s Jimi Hendrix’s guitar.” 

 

“Oh,” Gilfoyle said. 

 

“Is that all you have to say?” Gavin asked, getting annoyed.

 

“You know Jimi Hendrix isn’t the kind of shit I like, right?” Gilfoyle asked him.

 

“It cost over $300,000,” Gavin said. 

 

“Cool,” Gilfoyle said without feeling as he set the guitar down. He saw Gavin glaring and asked, “You know that if you get a gift, you can’t get mad at the person for not falling over with gratitude? You give gifts to be nice, not to buy people’s affection.” 

 

“I know,” Gavin said. “It’s just a fucking nice gift. But, I don’t care. Whatever. I mean, if you want to be rude and ungrateful…” 

 

“Why’d you get me this?” Gilfoyle asked him. 

 

“Because I like you. God knows why,” Gavin said, glaring at him. 

 

“No. I’m asking why you got me this. Why did you think this would be a good gift for me?” 

 

“I know you like music,” Gavin said.

 

“You know I like music?” he repeated. “Try to be more general. I also like breathing. Why didn’t you get me a gift based on that?” 

 

Gavin pushed Gilfoyle against the wall and spanked him. “You’re being such a little shit right now,” he said.

 

Gilfoyle smiled and kissed Gavin hard. 

 

Gavin grabbed his ass as he said, “So, you like that but not expensive gifts. You are really fucked up, aren’t you?” 

 

Gilfoyle looked back at him and affectionately said, “See? You do know me.”

 

“Wait, is this a low self-esteem thing?” Gavin asked him.

 

Gilfoyle laughed. “I’m actually not a girl on Degrassi, so no it’s not a low self-esteem thing.” 

 

“Because it seems like you like being treated like a fucktoy more than you like being treated like a boyfriend,” Gavin said. 

 

Gilfoyle turned around and said, “Not necessarily. But, theoretically, if you were going to be a boyfriend and not just a billionaire I have kinky sex with, I would want you to actually be a good boyfriend.” 

 

Gavin’s jaw tightened. “And you think I can’t be?” 

 

“The only thing you had to go on when looking for birthday gifts was that I like music? Do you know anything else? What about my favorite band? Or even my favorite genre?” 

 

“I don’t know. I’m guessing something overly angry and aggressive.” 

 

“Good guess, but no,” Gilfoyle said. He pulled on Gavin and said, “Come on.” He led Gavin to the bed. 

 

Gavin sighed. He was disappointed, but not really surprised that Gilfoyle just wanted sex. When Gilfoyle got in the bed, Gavin flipped him over and started pulling his clothes off. 

 

But, Gilfoyle pulled away. “I don’t want to have sex with you. Not yet,” he said. 

 

Gavin looked at him curiously. “Okay…”

 

“Tell your house to play The Promise Ring.” 

 

“Play The Promise Ring,” Gavin declared loudly. A song started playing over the speakers. After a second, he asked, “Is this the right band?” 

 

Gilfoyle nodded.

 

“They sound… sweet. And nice,” Gavin said.

 

Gilfoyle nodded again and nuzzled against Gilfoyle. 

 

Gavin stroked his hair lightly. “You just want to lie here and listen to this?” 

 

“If you meant it when you said you like me, then yeah,” Gilfoyle said. “There aren’t any cheat codes to getting me to like. We have to actually get to know each other.”   
“Okay,” Gavin said. “So… does this mean you don’t want that guitar?” 

 

“I’m going to sell it for the $300,000,” Gilfoyle told him. “So, overall, great gift.”


	25. Monica/Jan

Monica looked at the jewelry box Jan had given her with curiosity. It was much bigger than most jewelry boxes. Jan smiled at her encouragingly.

 

Monica opened it and looked down at the diamond tiara. “Oh. Wow,” she said.

 

“It’s your birthday and I want you to feel like a princess,” Jan told her. 

 

“Oh. So you want me to actually put this on?” Monica asked.

 

Jan nodded and placed it on Monica’s head for her. “You look beautiful,” she told her. “I also got you a new dress, which will be perfect for the restaurant where I’m taking you.” 

 

Monica felt a little silly wearing a tiara, but it was also kind of nice. “Wow. Thanks, Jan,” she said.

 

Jan kissed her roughly. “And after dinner I’m going to give you what I guarantee will be the best sexual experience of your life. I know that implies that normally I hold back. It’s just that what I’m going to do tonight takes a degree of athleticism and energy that I can realistically only utilize once a year.” 

 

Monica blinked. “That, um… that sounds great.”

 

“Yes. It will be,” Jan told her as she straightened the tiara on her head.


	26. Jared/Richard

“This birthday dinner was amazing, Jar,” Richard said. He looked at him shyly and said, “You’re amazing. I hope you know that. I love you so much.” Richard and Jared had been dating over a year and Richard still felt nervous all the time that he wasn’t expressing enough affection.

 

Jared smiled at him reassuringly and said, “I know. I love you too.” 

 

Their dessert and champagne arrived. 

 

Richard picked up his glass and took a sip. “Ow,” h said when something metal hit his tooth. He looked down and realized there was a ring in the glass. “Oh. Is that, um…”

 

Jared smiled at him and asked, “Richard Hendricks, will you marry me?” 

 

“Yes!” Richard said. After a second, he tilted his head and asked, “Wait, do you want our engagement anniversary to be my birthday?” 

 

Jared squeezed his knee and said, “I thought it would make it easy for you to remember.” 

 

Richard smiled and said, “Thanks, Jared.”


	27. Erlich/Monica

Monica had been working all day. She knew she should be mad about having such a stressful, exhausting birthday. But, she was actually happy for the distraction. 

 

All day she’d planned to just take a long bath, drink way too much by herself and then go to sleep, but something made her shoot a quick booty call text to Erlich. 

 

She shook her head at herself as she poured herself some wine. This was the problem with birthdays. There was too much pressure. To have fun, to feel loved, to not be alone. It was kind of bullshit. 

 

Monica had finished a glass and a half of wine when Erlich knocked on the door. “Come in,” she called out.

 

As he walked in, he said, “Sorry it took so long. Traffic. And I had to stop for this.” 

 

She looked over and saw that he was carrying a cake box from Baskin Robbins. She furrowed her eyebrows and asked, “Did you know…” 

 

“I wouldn’t be a very good...” He stopped himself and then said, “Guy you occasionally have sex with if I didn’t know when your birthday is.” 

 

He sat down with the cake and grabbed two forks from her kitchen. “I would’ve texted you a happy birthday message earlier, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to hear from me. I’m glad you did decide to message me. Really glad.” 

 

She pressed her face against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her.


	28. Erlich/Laurie

When Erlich had seen that Laurie was invited to Elon Musk’s birthday party, he’d begged her to bring him. She’d had no interest in this, but he’d made a compelling argument about how bored she must get at parties. She’d agreed to bring him on the condition that he stay by her side and come prepared to talk about her favorite books, movies and TV shows. 

 

Laurie was amazed that, for the first time ever, she was having fun at a party. She smiled up at Erlich and said, “I can’t believe you read Portnoy’s Complaint in one night.”

 

He frowned and asked, “Why can’t you believe that? I do read, you know. I’m an intellectual, such as yourself.” 

 

“Mr. Bachman,” Laurie said, doing her best to sound gentle and apologetic, although she wasn’t sure if she was pulling it off. “I meant because it was an extremely thoughtful use of your time. To do that just so you could talk about my favorite book with me.” 

 

Erlich smiled and said, “It was no problem.” 

 

Laurie wanted to keep talking to Erlich but she realized that wasn’t really fair to him. “I’d love to hear more of your thoughts on it,” she told him.

 

Erlich’s face lit up with surprise and pride. 

 

“But, I should introduce you to some people here,” she told him. “Let you do the networking that made you interested in this party in the first place.” 

 

Erlich thought about it but then said, “That’s alright. I’d like to keep talking to you.”


	29. Gavin/Richard

Gavin and Richard had attended the same party. At first Richard had been nervous when Gavin had started talking to him, but Gavin had been surprisingly nice. They’d had a few drinks and a friendly conversation and Richard started feeling like he’d totally misjudged Gavin. He’d gone back to Gavin’s house.

 

“Well, this was weird,” Richard murmured. 

 

Gavin wrapped his arms around Richard’s naked body, pulling him close. He kissed the back of his neck. “But, it was good, right?” he asked.

 

“Mmm,” Richard said. “Yeah. I’m glad we ran into each other.” 

 

“Happy birthday, Gavin,” Gavin’s house said.

 

“Turn off notifications,” Gavin shouted, annoyed. 

 

“It’s your birthday?” Richard asked, furrowing his eyebrows. “And all you did to celebrate was go to that shitty party?” 

 

“I had to go there to pick up my present,” Gavin told him.

 

“Huh?” Richard asked.

 

Gavin ran a hand down Richard and said, “My present to myself. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to get it unwrapped, but it ended up being…” He laughed. “... remarkably easy.”


	30. Gavin/Russ

Gavin’s present from Russ was on of the last ones he’d opened. He wasn’t exactly expecting much from his embarrassing one night stand. 

 

When he opened the present, he stared at it. He thought this must be some sort of joke. He tossed it aside.

 

But, as he was trying to sleep, he kept thinking that maybe it wasn’t a joke. Maybe Russ somehow just… knew. 

 

When he couldn’t hold out any longer, he called Russ.

 

“Hey,” Russ said in a smug voice. “So, you got my package and now you want… my package?” He laughed happily.

 

Gavin cringed. “Come over before I change my mind,” he said. 

 

 

Russ was on Gavin’s bed. “Hurry up,” he called out. “I don’t want to wait around all day.” 

 

Gavin stepped out of his walk-in closet, wearing the school girl outfit that Russ had sent him. He looked down, sure that Russ would just laugh at him and say that he couldn’t believe Gavin had actually fallen for this. 

 

Instead, Russ grinned. “You look amazing, baby girl,” he assured him. 

 

Gavin nodded a little, gaining confidence. He did look amazing. 

 

“Come here, baby girl,” Russ said, patting his lap. 

 

Gavin felt a rush of excitement as he walked over to him.


	31. Gary/Evan

Evan had left Gary a voicemail around 7 telling him that he had to work late. Gary was disappointed but not really surprised. He knew that Evan’s job took up a lot of his time, but he’d been hoping against hope that he’d be able to celebrate his birthday with him. 

 

Gary was at home moping when there was a knock on the door. He opened the door and accepted a gift basket. In addition to the usual bottles of wine and fancy cheeses, the gift basket also had an adorable stuffed penguin-- Gary’s favorite animal. There was a little card with a cartoon penguin on it. 

 

Gary almost teared up as he looked inside the card. It said, “I’m so sorry. I love you. Sincerely, Evan.” 

 

Gary sat down and clutched the stuffed penguin. He hated late nights, but he decided he’d stay up so he could see Evan when he got home.


	32. Richard/Big Head

“Eighteen!” Big Head declared, as he spanked Richard one last time.

 

“Jerk,” Richard said, wrinkling up his nose. He was still smiling a little.

 

“Hey, it’s tradition,” Big Head said. “Come on. Let’s play N64,” he said. He turned on the TV. 

 

“That tradition is really homoerotic,” Richard said.

 

“I guess,” Big Head said. “Wait, did you find it erotic?” 

 

“What? No!” Richard said. “Why? Did you?” 

 

“No. Ew,” Big Head said. “I just wanted to mess with you. I didn’t even think you’d let me spank you.” 

 

“Wait, I could’ve said no?” Richard asked.

 

Big Head laughed and shook his head. Richard laughed too.


	33. Gilfoyle/Tara

“Okay. Are you ready?” Tara asked, teasingly pulling on her robe without actually pulling it all the way. 

 

Gilfoyle smiled as he watched her in the Skype window. “I’ve been ready for weeks, but you made m wait until my birthday,” Gilfoyle reminded her.

 

“I promise it’s worth the wait,” Tara told him. 

 

“Oh, I know it is,” Gilfoyle told her.

 

Tara pulled her robe down so that Gilfoyle could see her tits.

 

He grinned and said, “You’re really beautiful, babe.” 

 

She beamed at him and bounced a little. “Now show me what you’ll be using to come all over them when I visit,” she said.

 

“To be fair, shouldn’t you have to wait until your birthday?” he asked.

 

She shook her head and said, “Nope. You do all the waiting and I do all the getting whatever I want when I want it.” She bounced some more.

 

He started unzipping as he said, “Yeah, that’s a fair deal.”


	34. Big Head/Erlich

Erlich kept his hands over Big Head’s eyes as he led him into the kitchen. When he removed his hands, Big Head grinned.

 

“Oh shit,” he said. “A cake as big as me. This is all I’ve ever wanted.” 

 

Erlich grinned proudly. “Glad you like it,” he said.

 

Big Head headed towards the cake, Erlich pulled him back, hugging him tightly so that the back of Big Head’s head was against his chest.

 

“Hey,” he said. “I just wanted you to know that, uh… I love you.” He was glad that Big Head wasn’t looking at him and couldn’t see how nervous he was.

 

“I love you too, man,” Big Head said immediately. 

 

Erlich gave him a tight squeeze before releasing him.

 

Big Head circled around the cake, trying to figure out a strategy for eating it.

 

When he saw Erlich taking out a plate and cake knife, he said, "Oh yeah. Good idea."


End file.
